Noe and Cindy write: Perfectly Preposterous Pride and Prejudice, number 3

Saturday

Perfectly Preposterous Pride and Prejudice, number 3

Episode 3

Jane Austen, without a doubt, is one of the wittiest women you can find. She is absolutely one of our favorite authors. This is the third in our series of preposterous episodes—click here to see the first or the second. And now, let the fun begin:

Sisters Will Talk

The Meryton Assembly Ball always created a stir in the Bennet household, and this year's ball had what could be called that very special something that makes such an event something looked forward to even beyond the enjoyment of dancing. Yes, that appeal to the heart and imagination that a rich single man in attendance brings! Handsome is always a part of the description of such a fellow, regardless of the reality. Why, one might even believe the color of his coins is rose.

As the location for the ball is the small town of Meryton, this added incentive for excitement is rare indeed. "Lizzy," cried Lydia Bennet, "are you not simply overflowing with anticipation to the point of giddiness to finally see Mr. Bingley? My own head is positively whirling so that I am dizzy! You, on the other hand, seem so calm—you resemble the pond when not even a duck has so much as stirred its waters. The day has finally arrived for all our curiosity and speculations to at last be over! Surely there has not been a ball that has offered so much reason for suspenseful anticipation, would you not agree? We shall be meeting a handsome single man of five thousand a year living at Netherfield Park!"

Indeed, the days until this happy prospect arrived could not pass quickly enough. Before her sister had time to reply, however, Kitty walked to the window and declared, "Lizzy has wisely determined not to set her horse after the same fox as all the other young ladies. I dare say I will adopt her position myself, for there is nothing quite so frustrating as wanting what everyone else wants when there is not enough to go around ... in a house full of five sisters, I can assure you, I know that more than anyone. And besides, just imagine how terrifying for the poor fox to have so many hot on the chase."

Lizzy raised her eyebrows at such common sense coming from this younger sister and was on the verge of saying so when yet another of her sisters spoke

before she had the chance. "What you say has a ring of truth, Kitty. However, in the world of men and women, it is we, the fairer sex, who are most often viewed as the game after which the men chase, not the other way around. I believe it was Sir George from Birmingham who, I might add, spent more than a few years in the jungle—yes, it was he who said, 'Find a good woman and one has found a fine trophy to showcase.'" Being very much pleased with the quote, Mary gave her head a nod or two and then paused, casting a wary eye as she added, "Although, the whole notion of comparing human relations to the barbarism of the hunt would make one conclude that mankind has yet to learn to be truly civil. For my part, romance should have nothing in common with anything that ends with blood being spilled."

Elizabeth now turned toward Mary, but as her lips began to part and her breath was about to create that articulate sound, the other sister that had yet to speak said quietly, "Mary, men have always put matters of the heart in terms that make sense to them. They are not to be found fault with for the littleness of their minds on this point ... it is common knowledge that men have brains equal to their hearts. They do so little thinking or feeling, it is no wonder that both have atrophied to the point that we find them now. As you say, their comparing love to anything noisy and violent, such as sport with guns, is proof of this unfortunate debility."

Lizzy put her hand to her chin and gazed upon her sisters, respect and warm regard filling her heart and head. At that moment, her sisters turned to her as one, and seeing she had taken on such a faraway, thoughtful aspect, they declared in unison: "Well, Lizzy, are you looking forward to seeing Mr. Bingley or not?"